[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
. Wow. He moved over some more and heldhis arm out so I could cuddle against himlike I did when I was younger.I couldn tremember the last time I d done that.Hishand went to my hair, pulling it through hisfingers. You ve grown up so fast, Katiebug.All I did was blink and here you are, ayoung woman.How did that happen? Well, those growth hormones youfed me probably had something to do withit. Yeah, probably. He kissed my forehead and I snuggled closer.Hesmelled like Old Spice and a little bit ofsweat and furniture polish. Dad? Mmhm? Do you think I m a good person?And don t give me a dad answer. He moved so he could look at myface. Why would you even ask a questionlike that? Because of all the stupid things I vedone.I loved this awful guy who beat meup and I didn t even want to press chargesagainst him.I ve made so many mistakeswith guys and fighting with mom andschool and everything. I want you to listen to me, he said,sitting up. You did not ask for what happened to you.You are not responsiblefor Zack and his sick mind.To even blameyourself for one single second is wrong.Everyone makes mistakes, Katiebug, butwe learn from them.We move on.That sthe key.It s not that you made the mistakein the first place, but what you do with theresult.You are a smart, strong, beautifulyoung woman and I am proud that you aremy daughter.If you believe anything,believe that. It was a total dad answer, but thatwas what I expected.My dad seemed tosee the best in me and my mom saw that Iwasn t what she wanted me to be. Thanks, Dad, I said, hugging himtight. I love you. Love you too, Katiebug. He waited until I left before turning the television back on.***Kayla was supposed to go back withAdam, but she ended up staying for therest of my break.She said it was becauseshe wanted to show Adam everything, andhave home-cooked food, but I knew shewas trying to be a buffer between Momand me.For the next couple of days I triedmy best not to get under Mom s skin.Ihelped out around the house more than Iwould have, and volunteered to getgroceries.I was constantly checking my phonefor any message from Stryker.I wascurious about the effect of my little note onhim.I d been about to leave him one on paper, but he was sacked out on the couchand his chest was exposed, so I figured itwas only fitting that I draw it on him aspayback for the times he d drawn stuff onme.He almost woke up a bunch of times,but I was able to complete it.Somehow.I had a long chat with Lottie one nightwhen Kayla and Adam had gone out, and Ididn t feel like being the third wheelagain.Dad was still under the weather, soMom was busy nursing him and I washoled up in my room. Still haven t heard from him? shesaid. Nope. I d filled her in on the note,and she thought it was hilarious. Well, he s alive, according to Trish.She s talked with him a few times. Has he& has he said anything? I could hear Trish s voice in thebackground answering. Nada.He s being like a clam with apearl.The penis effect and all that. I sighed. Got it. I hadn t expectedanything less.When Stryker didn t want totalk about something, there was little youcould do to get him to open up.That wasfine with me. So, you ready to get back tonormal? If by normal you mean losing Lawand Order bets and eating our weight inice cream, then yes, I am ready for that. So freaking ready.I could almost hear her rolling hereyes. At least your mother hasn t grilledyou about your boyfriend s favorite booksand then made conclusions about him based on those books. At least her mother hadn t made herboyfriend so uncomfortable that hestormed out.Not that Stryker was myboyfriend. True.Hey, I ll see you tomorrow,okay? Bye, roomie. Will and Trish musthave been playing a game because I couldhear both of them yelling in thebackground. I m coming, I m coming, Lottieshouted at them. Sorry, I have to go helpjudge which is more sympathetic, piratesor volcanoes.I swear, these two are goingto kill each other over a game of Applesto Apples.Bye, roomie. She hung up and I was left in silencein my empty room.I twirled my phone inmy hand, restless. My bare walls were really pissingme off for some odd reason.I lookedaround and found a cup full of markers.Igrabbed a pink one and stared at the wallright across from my bed.Mom was goingto have a coronary if I drew on my walls.I made one little dot.Ha.Then I made another, and another.Iconnected them with a swirly line andkept going, making more lines and moreswirls.It was very similar to the designStryker had drawn on my hand.I addedsome circles in between, moving thedrawing from one side of the wall to theother, and then down to the floor.Once thedesign was done, I felt like it neededsomething.I turned on my iPod and lookedfor some of the music Stryker had givenme, searching for one song in particular. Endlessly , by Green River Ordinance.Itwas softer than most of the stuff Strykerlistened to, which was why I thought itwas so odd when he gave it to me.Slowly, I wrote random words on thewall. Love and Happiness and Beauty and Fun and Surprises and Music and Laughter and Magic .Ijust wrote what came to mind, and itwasn t until I d written Love over andover that I realized these were all thethings I wanted out of life.My wall hadbecome some twisted version of a visionboard.I d thought those things weretotally stupid, but somehow seeing thewords written out like that made sense. Oh my God.Mom is going tomurder you. I paused in the act offinishing a letter and looked over my shoulder to find Kayla gaping at me andmy newly-decorated wall. Yeah, well, wouldn t be the firsttime. I wrote Love again and glancedback at Kayla. Where s Adam? Just making some coffee.You wantsome? Sure. We were going to watch a movie ifyou want to join us. She hovered in thedoorway. Sure. I capped the marker.Onewall was enough for tonight.I took out myphone and snapped a picture of it, just incase. Chapter FourteenStrykerI almost called her or texted her somany times I lost count.But I didn t knowwhat to say after I d given her the coldshoulder.If I called her and she came overand we had sex, we d be back to squareone, only I couldn t go back to that place.The place where I didn t care so fuckingmuch.Really, though, I d never beenthere.That first night when I saw her, I dcared.When I d seen her eyes scared andwide, I d felt something that was strongerthan just a guy wanting to help a girl out of a bad situation.Even then, I d felt it.I dnever had a chance, really.I spent the days without her eatingleftovers and learning new songs andworking as many hours in the frigidtemperatures as I could on rebuilding afew engines.I skipped out on Band, muchto the anger of everyone.It was Allan sturn to host, and he was the most upset.Ipretended I had food poisoning, but I wassure none of them bought it.Trish calledme to basically tell me to get my head outof my ass, which was less than helpful.The night before classes started backup, there was a knock at my door.Myheart did a funny little lurch and I toldmyself over and over as I walked downthe stairs it wouldn t be Katie.It wasn t
[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]