[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
.I was going to go out in a big way, in front of everyone, just to punish them for turning on me.I was so messed up.” He bowed his head in shame.“I started saying some messed up stuff and it got to the administration and they called the cops.” He closed his eyes as he remembered it all.“They came to the house and found some guns and that was it.I was toast.They didn’t have anything to arrest me, but the school had enough to throw me out.So, we moved here to start over.My dad put me in therapy and I got better, slowly.I’ve sort of made myself accept that it wasn’t my fault, what happened with my parents.”I was quiet in the aftermath of his story.My usual wit and sarcasm had no place in this conversation, and I had never been in a situation where I had to process so much raw misery.I added these last pieces to the Austin puzzle and gave it a long look.Understanding him did not change how I felt about him.I needed to let him know that.“Austin, I don’t even have any words.There aren’t any.I mean, Jesus.But I am grateful you told me and it doesn’t change anything.”He looked warily into my eyes, disbelief giving way to hope.“Really?”I managed to make myself smile.“Really.” I bit my lower lip.“My drama seems stupid by comparison, but I’ll tell you if you want to know.”He gave me an “Of course” sort of look.“But you don’t have to.”I shrugged a little.“Seems fair.” I put the story in order in my head.I had never actually told anyone the whole thing from beginning to end before.“When I was ten or so, this new kid moved into the neighborhood.His name was Mike.From the moment we met, we were inseparable.We had all the same interests, all the same hobbies, the same sense of humor.He and my best friend since kindergarten, Jen, and I, we did everything together“As we got older, I started to realize how much I loved him.It was one of those kid, puppy-love things, but time did not make it fade.It just got stronger.The bad thing was that I knew he was straight.I wanted to think I could be wrong, but in my heart, I just knew it.” I frowned a little.“I guess I just didn’t want to give up hope entirely.Anyway, last April, we were at a party and someone found the vodka and we used it to spike our sodas.I got plastered.”“I can’t imagine you being drunk,” Austin commented.I wrinkled my nose.“I don’t plan on doing it again.My first time out didn’t work out too well.I was sick the whole next day, I was grounded and my life was destroyed.I think I’ll leave the drinking to the professionals.” I felt really stupid about all this and didn’t want to talk about it, but fair was fair, after all.“So, I was sitting on the couch, wasted, and I told Mike I loved him, that I had always loved him and that I wished he was gay so he could love me too.”“Oh crap,” Austin murmured.“Yeah.He wasn’t nearly as drunk as I was.He flipped out.When I got back to school, everyone knew I was gay.People I thought were my friends stopped talking to me.Bad stuff happened at school, probably the sort of things you went through.But the worst was that Mike seemed to be encouraging it.It was like he was punishing me for being gay or something.”“Is that why you all moved here?”“Funny you should mention that,” I told him with a wry smile.“I thought it was just because this was the best job my dad could get.Turns out, he started looking for jobs out of state so I could have a fresh start.”“So, your family knows?”I nodded.“I got lucky.They all accept me for the neurotic, dramatic gay spazz I am.”Austin took it all in, his expression speculative.“Are you still in love with him?”“Mike? God, no.I was for a while.But I found out he has been telling all kinds of lies about me.He turned every one of our friends against me except Jen.No, I don’t have any feelings for him at all.”Austin smiled shyly.“Good.I’m selfish and I don’t want to share you.”I blushed, feeling awkward all over again.“I can’t believe I’m this lucky.”“I was thinking the same thing,” he replied.He licked his lips.“So, now that story time is over, you maybe want to make out?”My blush deepened and my nerves went into overdrive.“Er, I should probably brush my teeth first … and freshen up.A shower, actually, wouldn’t be a b-”Austin moved in for the kill.My first kiss hit me like a tsunami crashing into a fishing village, wiping out everything in its path and scattering my thoughts like frightened villagers.I was completely swept away by the sensation.The impossible reality of this gorgeous guy wanting me was too much for my poor brain to handle.Sensing that Doubt was too stunned to act, Desire took over the helm.My whole body just melted against him.“I could get used to this,” I approved when we came up for air.“What the hell?”I had been so distracted that I had not heard Shawn’s footsteps on the stairs.I started to make some joke, but the look on his face told me that wouldn’t be a good idea.Austin shrank from the glower on his face, looking from me to Shawn and back.“Should I…?”“Yes, seems so,” I told him.Austin grabbed his backpack and made his escape even as Shawn mounted the last few steps to stand in my room, looking more upset than I had seen him in a while.It made no sense to me, and I felt my defenses coming up as a fight appeared imminent.If only I knew what Shawn’s issue was.Chapter 11Shawn had interrupted a very interesting experience for me, and I was not feeling very disposed to being patient with him.He seemed to be waiting for me to make some sort of stammering explanation or excuse, but since I felt neither embarrassed nor ashamed, that wasn’t going to happen.“So….What was that, then?” he finally demanded.“Well, I think the kids these days call it kissing.”Shawn did not crack a smile.“So, is he, you know … are you two…? Well is he, Col?”“Is he what? Jewish?”“You know what I mean,” Shawn grumped at me.“Maybe, maybe not.” I didn’t like the way he was acting about this one bit.“Don’t get bitchy, Col.”“Can’t help it.It’s my nature.”Shawn sighed in a put-upon way.“Is he your…?”“Boyfriend?”“Yes.”“It’s not that hard a word, you know; two very easy syllables.”“God, you can be such a drama queen,” he complained.“Yes.And in other news, grass is green and water is wet
[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]