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.How does Sarah play any part inthis? Carmichael and Sarah were together. They were? I m scrambling with care from his hold now, but this time he letsme.He is chewing that lip and he sholding his breath, too. Sarah andCarmichael? But I thought he was aplayboy. He was.With a girlfriend& he flinchesas he inhales. and a child. What? I m sitting up fully now. Go on.I push.This story isn t taking the directionthat I thought it would at all.He takes another long, painful breath.Ishould tell him to stop and rest, but Idon t. Carmichael walked in on me andSarah.He hit the roof, got the girls andleft. Oh good Lord. The girls? I ask.I don tknow why.I know who the girls are. Rosie and Rebecca. Your Rosie and their Rebecca. Iwhisper. The car accident?He nods mildly and clenches his eyes shut. I didn t just kill my uncle and mydaughter.I killed Sarah s girl, too. No, I shake my head. That can t be yourfault. I think you ll find that my poor decisionshave been the cause for everything, Ava.I ve fucked up on so many levels so manytimes, and I ve paid for it, but I can t payfor it now that I have you.What if I make a bad decision again? What if I screw upagain? What if I m not done paying?His demand for compliance on everythingis crystal clear.Too clear.He really doeslive in terror, but it s far worse than I everimagined.He blames himself foreverything, and maybe his carelessnessplayed a small part, but ultimately, he snot responsible.He wasn t driving the carthat hit Jake.He wasn t driving the carwith the girls.He didn t want to getmarried and he definitely wanted to be aproper father.And Sarah? That has totallyfloored me.She had a child withCarmichael, but was in love with herboyfriend s nephew? Fucking hell, this iscomplicated stuff.Sarah really does havenothing and after losing both her daughter and her lover.She sought solace in TheManor, a little bit like Jesse did.Twotortured souls drowning themselves inwhips, sex, and drink, but never in eachother.That was Jesse s choice, though.Not Sarah s. You are more than done paying. My eyesland on his stomach.He s paid physicallyand mentally, and it s made my husband aneurotic control freak now he hassomething he cares about again.Me. When did she hurt you before? I ask,needing that final piece to secure thiscolossal puzzle and lay it all to bed. After Rosie died, she tried so hard tomake me see that we needed each other.She had always been a littleunpredictable, but when I continuallyrebuffed her advances, she really startedbehaving erratically.We re talking full onbunny boiler style. He smiles at me, but Ican t smile back.She s tried to kill himtwice.This is no laughing matter. Did she get pregnant on purpose? Probably. And she stabbed you? Yes. Did she go to prison? No. Why?He s sighing again. Her family got herhelp and kept her away from me inexchange for my silence. But look at the mess she made of you. Ipoint to his old scar. How did you passthat off? It s pretty superficial.She did a betterjob this time. He looks down at hisstomach. You didn t even go to hospital, did you?I m horrified.That is one nasty scar andfar from superficial. Who stitched youup? Her dad.He was a doctor. Oh my God! I collapse onto the chair. And where were your parents whilst allof this was going on? I sound like alecturing fishwife, but holy shit, wheredoes it end? They d already returned to Spain. Jesse& I snap my mouth shut, trying tothink hard of what I can possibly say,before I blurt just anything.As always,I m blank.This man renders mespeechless on every level. Your mum inSpain. I think hard. Second chance? Shewasn t referring to Jake at all.She wasreferring to Jesse s lost daughter achance for him to be a good father again. You really do know everything now. Hisdry voice is still disjointed and hissearching eyes are looking for mine butnot falling where he knows them to be. Are you leaving me?If my heart was breaking for him before,then now it s just shattered.That simple,perfectly reasonable question and theunsure tone in which he s asked it, hastears stabbing painfully at the backs of myeyes. Look at me. I demand sharply, andhe does, showing me unthinkable hurt.Itcuts so deep and the tears roll freely.Sodo his.I know I m his saviour now.I mthe key to redemption for him.I m hisangel. Unbreakable. I weep, crushed bysadness for this man.Two weeks ofemptiness has been flooded by happiness, but soon replaced with sorrow.He gasps, but I m not sure whether it s inpain or relief. Hold me. he begs, weaklylifting a heavy arm out to me.The nocontact will be killing him, especiallywhen he has to depend on me to feed hisneed.Gingerly crawling onto the bed, I settlecarefully around tubes and dressings.I mpulled in closer. Jesse, be careful. It hurts more if I m not touching you.His fingertip connects with my chin andpulls my face up to his, and I reach up tocatch a stray tear before running my palmall over his overgrown face. I love you. I say quietly, pushing my lips gently to his. I m glad. Don t stay that
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