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.I knew whose it was, even without testing it. Yeah, no problem, Scott said. Fucking hell! I shouted, slamming my fist down on the couch.It wasn t hardenough to hurt.At that moment, I wanted to beat the shit out of something.To just The Hunting Moon 141pound until my knuckles split open and I felt something other than thisuselessness, this regret and guilt.How many more people were going to die? 142 Evelyn ShepherdChapter TenWe trudged silently into Carlos s house, neither of us sure what was left to say.My mind was drifting somewhere between mayhem and eternal night, lost against abackdrop of growing oblivion.I could hear Lloyd screaming in my mind, and mychest tightened with a pang of guilt. Corazón, you can t blame yourself, Carlos said finally, breaking the silence.I looked up at him, not sure what to say.I knew I shouldn t feel guilty, becauseI didn t have control over the situation, but that didn t change the fact that I feltlike I should have been able to stop it.Carlos was right: I wanted to be Superman.Iwanted to save the world.I wanted to stop bad things from happening to those whodidn t deserve them.I wanted to prevent people from getting hurt at the hands ofpsychopaths, just as I had been hurt by my own fucking parents.And I couldn tseem to fucking do that.I couldn t protect Lloyd, and I couldn t protect Charlie!My eyes snapped wide. Fuck. What? Carlos asked, shrugging his jacket off and undoing his holster. Charlie s family! I shouted, my hands trembling as I searched for my phone. Jason is fucking out, and I never called to check on them! The protection I had on them would have alerted me if something happened,but who was to say that those men hadn t been taken out? Carlos stepped behindme and grabbed my shoulders, firmly rubbing them. Shh, calm down.Just give them a call and see how they re doing. I grabbed my phone, freezing as soon as I got it in my hands.I hadn t spokento them since Charlie s funeral.It was too painful; their voices reminded me of myfailure. Mi corazón& Carlos rested his chin on top of my head.I squeezed my eyes shut, gripping my phone tightly. I can t, I whispered,scared. What if& What? What if they re hurt? What if I hadn t protected them? I sagged againstCarlos s chest. What if they hate me? They had become my surrogate family.If I talked to them and they turned meaway& it wasn t something I was prepared to take. Mi corazón, you ll never know unless you call.They won t hate you, Carlosassured me, still rubbing my shoulders. The Hunting Moon 143I swallowed a lump in my throat and nodded, opening my phone.I dialed thefamiliar number, my fingers working of their own accord.I hit Send and put thephone to my ear.Every ring seemed to last an hour, an agonizing hour thatstretched out to eternity.And then it all ended, and a sweet, heavenly voiceanswered on the other end. Hello? It was like the coo of a dove after a forty-day storm.A smile spread across my face, and relief washed over me, briefly numbing thepain like a hit of Novocain. Rebecca& I breathed softly.There was a pause and my heart skipped, panic rising.Had I imagined thevoice, that tender soprano that could break into the most joyful giggles? Theo? Rebecca asked, her voice wary. Is& is that you? My heart began to pound, and I thought I was going to pass out.I wanted tosay more, I wanted to ask her how she was doing, how her mother was, but thewords wouldn t come.They stopped halfway up my throat and began to choke me.Isqueezed my eyes shut and quickly hit End, slamming the phone shut.We stood there, Carlos waiting for me to catch my breath.He pressed a kiss tothe top of my head. Go take a shower, mi corazón.I ll fix some dinner. I nodded, setting my phone down on the coffee table. Okay. Carlos turned me around, cupped my face, and gave me a slow kiss. Don tworry.We ll find Lloyd.We ll solve this, mi corazón. I leaned forward, deepening the kiss briefly
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