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.Charlie arches back so he can see my face. Did you justmake reference to the lack of physical proximity? I nod.He raises his eyebrows and frowns. Well, then, I guess it sover.If we can t sleep together tonight in fact, right hereand now I guess we re done. Okay. I laugh. I get it. It just is what it is, Love.How great would it be if wecould just be summer bound forever? You a coffee wenchand me a poor but honest fisherman. He touches my hair. It sounds like the start of a fable. I smirk and pull himback, my legs wrapped around his waist.Like this, I canbelieve we are a couple, no matter the distance, the age in-equalities, our past relationship mistakes, our old friends Jacob and Miranda. Yeah? Charlie looks at me, but with that guy expres-sion of half being aware of the words coming out of hismouth, the other half being sucked into the look.That pre-physical trance. So what s our moral? I tap my forehead. In film world, this means I mthinking. &'- :b^an ;gVc`a^c Just like Lucy Honeychurch in that movie we weresupposedly watching? You knew her name? I thought he d never seen thatmovie.Charlie nods. I took a film course called Agrarian Vi-sions.I used A Room with a View in my thesis. I blush.Everytime I think I m informing Charlie of something new, orexpressing myself for the first time with him, it s like he sheard it before.Now I feel redundant even with my slimknowledge of movies. Not that I didn t thoroughly enjoyyour espousal of the film s subtext.A. A? My grade.For you. What do I have to do for extra credit? I joke.Heputs his fingers on my lips and I m torn between wantingto nibble on them and the subtext of our own story.Is hethe teacher to my student? Then, before I can let my innercritic come on full force, he leans me onto the soapstoneso I feel the stone s coolness at the same time he s on top ofme.There s something amazing about kissing while lyingdown, such a connectedness.All prior worries and feel-ings of being somehow less than present disappear.He s allmouth and hands, whispering words to me that give mechills as strong as the physical moves do.I kiss him back, not minding the hard surface I m on,almost unaware of our surroundings save for the quiet dripof water into the sink.I guess Charlie didn t tighten thetap. Can I? Charlie whispers while in the process of tak- AZhhdch ^c AdkZ &'.ing off my shirt.I nod, feeling Charlie s hands on the backclasp of my bra (a position, it should be noted, that takes nosmall amount of abdominal musculature on both our parts,what with my having to arch my back, and him being onme but not so on me that I can t breathe). Charlie. I give in to the moment, to the feeling ofbeing wrapped up in him, so wrapped up that I pepper thephysicality with a question he can t answer. Am I goingto lose my virginity to you? The sentence makes its wayfrom my brain, where I thought it was tucked away to con-sider at other times (lying in bed at night, bored in class),to the air between us.Why does that question come to mefor consideration when I m not with him? Maybe spittingit out now is my way of espousing the need to connectit that string of words to the actual person and act.Sonow I ve asked it, and the words hang there, suspended asif in a cartoon bubble, while we continue to kiss.Charlieprops himself up on his forearms, looking down at me. Did you just ask me what I thought you asked me? Yep. I look at him. I did, in fact, say that out loud. My shirt is off my body but around my neck, bra un-done, my heart racing for a ton of reasons, Charlie s pressedagainst me, and to make a point he asks in a very clearvoice, You re asking me if I m the one the one you llhave sex with for the first time? This time, the words more than hang in the air: Theyecho, overly loud, with his enunciation.Right after Char-lie s posed the question back to me, an unpleasant surprise:A small cough tells me we re not alone.And while I m in &(% :b^an ;gVc`a^cfull view on top of the lab table, I can t see the door in itsentirety. Oh, shit, sorry, says a voice.I hear this from the doorway without knowing whosaid it.From where I m lying (half naked, of course), Ican just see the floor and two pairs of shoes near thedoor.Charlie bolts upright, jumping cleverly behind thecounter so only his upper body is viewable, and I grabmy T-shirt and roll it down as the intruders walk into theroom.My bra dangles like a useless limb from one sideof my shirt. Oh, hey, Love, sorry to bust in on you. I stick my arms into their proper position in my shirtjust as Chloe Swain presents herself in front of me. Hey. I smooth my hair behind my ear.I say hey likewe ve brushed by each other in the hallway.Not like she sjust seen me kind of naked, in a very compromising posi-tion.Not like she just heard Charlie ask me about losingmy virginity, and not like Jacob s right next to her. Hey. He says hey like it s been years since we lasttuned in on each other s lives.Maybe that s what it feelslike when you go back to school after summer break andyou see that person out of context, that it s been eons.Iflash back to seeing him make out with Chloe at the fairon Martha s Vineyard, all those reflections of them in thehall of mirrors, slamming me. We were just. Chloe giggles and slinks her armaround Jacob s jean-clad waist.She shrugs so we all knowwe re in this together, this unintentional double date, all AZhhdch ^c AdkZ &(&of us sneaking illegally for a campus hook up before thedorms beckon. It s fine. My blood races around my body as I adjustmy foot into the flip-flop that had flopped off and wave myhands. We were almost done. Cue regret of word choice.Done with what, exactly? We re heading out anyway. For the few minutes of overlap we ve had with Jacob,Charlie s been quiet.He emerges from behind the soap-stone slab with his hands in his pockets, in a nearly identicalstance to Jacob.Charlie is a vision of crumpled academia,and Jacob, earthy in a grey T-shirt so thin I can see histanned stomach underneath, looks incomplete without hisguitar.Oh my God I have my own Cecil and George!Just like in the movie downstairs.Only, Cecil is so primhe s ridiculous on film and George is like a puppy he s soenthusiastic.But still. We ll let you go, then, Jacob says, and just like that I mreminded that I don t have him and Charlie.Unlike LucyHoneychurch and her conflicted suitors, I have just theone and he s tugging at me. Okay, well. I suck in air so hard everyone hears.ThenI counteract his use of the pronoun we with my own. We ll see you back at the dorms, then. So, you never did tell me the name, Charlie says.Our hands are clasped, swinging just slightly, as he walksme back to Fruckner.I couldn t get a ride with him with-out signing out officially and I couldn t find Mrs.Ray, sowe hoofed it up and back.It s not bad, really, to end the &(' :b^an ;gVc`a^cevening strolling with your boyfriend, even if the air issticky and the heat oppressive
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