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. Paula Abdul& Straight Up. Zane looked back and forth between the brothers, smiling. Is this a favorite of yours orsomething? Mark and Sean both grimaced. It was a really popular song, you know! A lot of people likedit. Reid was singing and working his guitar on stage and every time he got to the chorus, thecrowd sang with him, including Sean and Mark.When he got to the part where Paula really getsgrooving in the music video Zane wasn t going to admit he remembered it Reid stoppedplaying altogether and clapped. Do-do-do-do-you love me& It was a genius cover song.Zane, who tried to never sing in public or private for that matter found himself murmuring the lines.He couldn t help himself.Watching Mark yell the lyrics at the top of his lungs made his breath constrict.See, here wasa guy he wanted on every level.He wanted to whisk him away and always have him with him.That was made difficult since Mark was his own person and loved his job.It was just really hardknowing that they were going to spend most of their time apart.Starting tonight.It was getting late and he either needed to hit the road or figure out a way to get Mark tocome with him back to L.A.He knew the latter wasn t really an option.Mark would be bored outof his mind waiting for Zane to come home from meetings when he could be enjoying the timewith his family, the real reason he came to Bakersfield in the first place.No, Zane couldn t askhim to come with him.That meant a shitty goodbye truck-side and no certainty of when they dsee each other again.It was fucking Zane up.The song ended to applause that seemed to shake the walls of the small bar.Zane glanced athis watch and frowned, his blood running cold. Mark, he called out over the din, I ve Gotta go& Those green eyes met his and the regret, there made Zane s gut ache. I m sorry. Mark slowly nodded and reached to tap his brother s shoulder. Zane needs to hit the road, he had to holler. I m going to walk him out. Sean twisted in his seat and offered his hand.He was on his way to drunk, so his goodbyewas a little nicer than it might otherwise have been. Listen, I m really sorry about earlier.It wasgood to meet you. Forget it, Zane shot back. Keep an eye on Mark for me. Mark moved to lead the way outside as Sean nodded loosely at Zane.With surprising agility,he pushed up from his stool and yelled in Zane s ear. World famous superstar or not, you fuckhim up I know.You ll fuck me up.I get it. Excellent, said Sean, folding back onto his seat as the band started up their next number.The deep bass strains of With or Without You pounded through the room and Zane left Seanto push through the crowd and catch up with Mark.He tried not to be too aggressive, though hereally wanted to elbow the heavy drinking and cheering people out of his way.His eyes were locked on the back of Mark s head, that brown hair glinting in the light, and making Zane sfingers strain to touch it.Mark paused as though he heard what Zane was thinking and looked back over his shoulderfor him.He raised his arm amongst the crowd and reached for him.Surprised at Mark swillingness to touch him in front of this mixed group, he was moved with the urge to never againleave him.Since he couldn t do that, he gripped that extended hand and corded their fingerstogether.Zane felt& He felt so miserable.This was wrong.Leaving Mark was wrong.But he didn thave any other choice right now.Zane had a lot of obligations that he simply couldn t ignore.Mark understood this& Zane understood this& So why the hell did it seem like he was making atremendous mistake? And you give yourself away& With or without you& Zane squeezed Mark s hand hard and swallowed thickly when the man returned the pressure.Fuck&They pushed through the heavy door, the anguished sound of the guitar following them.Mark didn t say a word, and in spite of the guys smoking outside who obviously weren taccustomed to seeing two men together, he kept their hands clasped and headed in the directionof Zane s truck.They d arrived early enough to get parking on the street in a well-lighted area,so they didn t have far to walk.Zane wished they could go on walking forever; down the streetand into the night.Once at his truck, Mark led him around to the driver s side and waited for him to unlock thedoor, still unable to meet his eyes. I ve got something for you, Zane murmured, his voice determined to give him away for thesad-sack that he was.He leaned over the bench seat to open the glove compartment, pulling out arumpled copy of Sacrifice. You said you wanted to read it so I brought it for you. Mark gazed at the cover and the dog-eared corners, testing the weight of it in his hands.Hewas definitely buzzed and far enough into that warm, loose place where every look at Zaneseemed like an invitation.After a long pause he set the book on the seat and pulled Zane s headdown for a fierce kiss.His fingers were hot on the back of Zane s head, weaving through thestrands of his hair and adding more pressure to bring him closer.Zane pushed roughly into Mark s mouth with a heart-wrenching groan and wrapped both hisarms tightly around his waist until they were melded together.His chest was pumping andneither of them slowed down, lips moving unrestrained over each other.Mark s mouth tastedlike beer and the sweetness of sex and surrender&Why? Why is this so difficult?The kiss ended much too soon and they held one another tightly, foreheads touching as theycaught their breath.Mark s voice trembled as he whispered, Don t fucking forget that while you re gone.Don tforget about me. Zane lifted a hand to Mark s neck and upward to his face, holding him tenderly. Only if youpromise to think about me& Mark kissed him again and pushed almost roughly out of his arms, taking the book as hewalked around the truck bed to the curb. Be safe, Zane.Call me when you get home no matterwhat time. Saying see you later seemed totally inadequate.Zane was wishing there was somesentiment in between I like you and I love you that conveyed the weight of what he was experiencing in that moment.Nothing came to mind.Not one word.He was scared of driving away.Of losing this chance.Of losing this man. I ll call, he said softly and climbed in his truck, starting the engine and shifting into gearautomatically.When he pulled away from the curb, he waved and watched in the rearview asMark returned it. I don t want to leave you, he whispered, the words dying before they traveledinches from his mouth.***There were three missed calls from Christian on his phone.Mark debated sending him a textand finally typed out a quick explanation and hit send.When his phone rang immediately, hesent it to voicemail and moved back inside the bar, dragging his feet like a lovesick kid.Seanglanced up at him when he sat down at the table and did a quick double take. So he s gone, huh? Mark only nodded and focused on Reid hamming it up for the crowd
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