[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
.I wrap it around myhand and pull her to kiss me.While I m playing with her tongue, I flip her over.She protests and I nipher on the shoulder, which seems to shut her up.I am behind her and I have her on her knees, butinstead of bending her over, I run my hands down her arms and grab her wrists, guiding her hands tothe frame of the bed so she s half upright.I swipe her hair over one of her shoulders, kiss her neck and place my hands on her hips.I leanforward to speak into her ear. Hold on tight. You can t deny we do that right. She smiles up at me, her eyes soft and hazy.The only time Olivia s eyes are not alert and pointedlycold are when she s pinned beneath me or when she s recovering from being pinned beneath me.I ve trained her to say I love you when she orgasms.If she doesn t say I love you, she doesn t get anorgasm she learned that the hard way.It s payback for all the years she wouldn t tell me.Afterward, it takes her at least an hour to return to her normal spitfire mode.But, for an hour after sexI have her soft and submissive.I like to call it the temporary taming of the shrew. I live for thosehours, where s she looking up at me like I m the man.Sometimes, I can even get her to say it. You re the man, Caleb.You re the man. As opposed to doing it & wrong? Her eyebrows lift. Is there a wrong way to do that? Everything that s not you feels wrong, Duchess. I can tell she s pleased by my words.She scoots closer, throwing her leg over my waist.I trail myfingers lightly along her spine, and when I reach the world s greatest ass I lay my hand flat and staythere.She wiggles and I know what she wants. Again? I suck on one of her fingers and she shivers. Again, she says. And again, and again, and again& Olivia and I never marry.We took too many casualties in our struggle to be together.It seemsalmost wrong to get married after what we did to love.One night while we re in Paris, we make vowsto each other.We re in our hotel, sitting side by side on the floor in front of the open window.Ourview is of the Eiffel Tower, and we re wrapped in the blanket we just made love on.We are listeningto the sounds of the city, when suddenly she turns to face me. Mormons believe that when they get married in this life, they stay married in the next.I wasthinking that we should convert to Mormonism. Well, that s most certainly a viable option for us, Duchess.But, what if we re married to our firstspouses in the next life? She grimaces. I d definitely be less fucked than you. I laugh so hard we both fall over backwards onto the carpet.We shift our bodies until we are lyingwith our faces inches apart.I reach out to touch the small oval she wears on a chain around her neck.It s our penny.She had it made into a necklace that she never takes off. Wherever we go in the next life, we ll be together, I say. Let s not go to hell then, that s where Leah will be. I nod in agreement, then I look in her eyes and say, I ll do whatever I have to do to protect you.I lllie, cheat, and steal to make you okay.I ll share your suffering, and I ll carry you when you reweighed down.I ll never leave you, not even when you ask me to.Do you believe me? She touches my face with the tips of her fingers and nods. You re strong enough to protect your heart and mine, and your heart from mine.I ll give youeverything I have because from the day I met you, it s belonged to you. I kiss her then I roll on top of her.And that s it.Our hearts are married.We fight.We make love.We cook huge meals and fall into food comas for days.After she defendsa murderer and wins the case, she sells her share of the business and we move into our house inNaples.She says if she keeps defending criminals, she s going to go to hell and she really doesn twant to spend eternity with Leah.She opens up her own practice, and I work from home.We have avegetable garden.Olivia has a black thumb and kills all of the plants.I nurture them back to life whenshe s not looking and then convince her she has a green thumb.She s very proud of her (my)tomatoes.We try to have a baby, but Olivia miscarries twice.When she is thirty-five, she is diagnosed withOvarian Cancer and has to have a hysterectomy.She cries for a year.I try to be strong, mostly because she needs me to be.But, during that time it wasn t Noah I was afraid to lose her to, or Turner, orherself, it was cancer.And cancer was a foe I didn t want to fuck with.Most days I just begged God tokeep her alive and make it go away.That s what I asked him make it go away like I was fiveyears old and there was a boogeyman in my closet.God must have heard my prayers, because thecancer never came back and the boogeyman was vanquished.My hands still shake when I think aboutthat time.I wish I could have given her a baby.Sometimes, when she s at the office late, I sit in what wouldhave been the nursery and think about the past.It s a pointless game of torture, but I suppose it s aconsequence of being a flawed, stupid man.Olivia doesn t like it when I think.She says my thoughtsare too deep and they depress her.She s probably right.And I would hate for her to see what I see; thefact that if we d just done things right, if I d fought harder, if she d fought less, we would have beentogether sooner.We could have had our baby before it was too late before her body made itimpossible.But, we didn t, and we re both a little broken because of it.I ve come to the conclusion that there are no set rules in life.You do what you have to do tosurvive.If that means running away from the love of your life to preserve your sanity, you do it.If itmeans breaking someone s heart so yours doesn t break; do it.Life is complicated too much so forthere to be absolutes.We are all so broken.Pick up a person, shake them around and you ll hear therattling of their broken pieces.Pieces our fathers broke, or our mothers, or our friends, strangers, orour loves.Olivia has stopped rattling quite as much as she used to.Love is a God-given tool, she tellsme.It screws things back in place that were loose, and it cleans out all the broken pieces that youdon t need anymore.I believe her.Our love has been fixing each other.I hope to only hear a tinyjingle when I shake her in a few years.Leah remarries and has another baby.Luckily, it s a boy.When Estella is nine, she comes to livewith us.Despite the stepmother status, Estella loves Olivia.They share the same sense of humor,and too often, I find myself the target of their jokes.Some nights I come home and they re sitting sideby side on the sofa, legs propped on the coffee table, MacBooks open, stalking boys.Olivia wishesshe d had Facebook when we were young.She says so every day.I m not sure who s more confusedby their immediate chemistry me or Leah.Leah still hates Olivia.Olivia is grateful that Leah gave us Estella
[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]