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. The c-word flies outof my mouth before I can reel it back in.He nods, the sneaky smile back. Cock, huh? Dirtygirl.Dirty, dirty girl. He reaches slowly into his pocket andI hold my breath, almost thinking for a second he s going toshow me it isn t weed in his pants.But then some plasticcomes out and the brownish green stuff inside it becomesvisible, and I let my breath go. What? You thought I was going to show you themoney? he asks, chuckling at his own joke. Yeah, right. I play it off, grabbing the bag from hishand. Go eat, would ya? You re too skinny. He runs his hands from his chest down to his abs,watching them go down.He looks over at me when he sgot his hands on his pelvis. What? You don t go for theemaciated rocker look? I shake my head. No.I go for the healthy artist look,personally.But I guess since you got Jelly knocked up, itdoesn t matter what I like, right? I want to slap my own face for saying it.I don t knowwhat possessed me to take the fun we were having andthrow it into the shredder like that.Maybe he was getting too close, or maybe I was getting too close to him.Eitherway, I did it and I don t want to take it back.I cannot affordto let anything happen between us, and neither can he,whether he knows it or not.His face drops.As he walks away, his head hanginglow, I hear his mumbled reaction. Fuck you. Hearing it brings the sensation of being stabbed in theheart with a very sharp and painful weapon. Chapter ElevenDURING DINNER I GATHER TARIN S inner circle aroundme, now focused on talking strategy.Scott s at my righttaking notes.There are nine friends at the table with Scottand I making eleven.Jelly s in the house being tended toby a housekeeper of sorts. Thanks for agreeing to meet with us to discuss ourplans for the next thirty days. Almost everyone nods, butnot Tarin.He s looking a little too shell-shocked to be ableto contribute much.I don t mind; it s the people who careabout him who will be the most help to us right now. First of all, I just want to give you a quick overview ofwhat we re doing.Number one is healthy living.Tarin sgoing to be on a strict diet and exercise program.Any ofyou are welcome to join us, and some of you I will expect tobe there. I look at the bodyguards. Zach and Leonard,you two need to be involved since some of this stuff will behappening in public and Tarin will need security. Count us in, says Zach. We exercise everyday anyway. I nod, silently thanking them for their enthusiasm. Count me in too, says Ricky. I need to get in shape. He looks down at the giant piece of cake in front of himand puts a big bite onto a fork. Might as well enjoy it whileI can. Winking as he puts it into his mouth, he gets thetable laughing at his good-natured joking.I m happy for thelevity. Good.Anyone else? The band manager gives me an uncomfortable look. Actually, not that I want to bail on this whole deal, but I hada big vacation planned starting next week.And I was goingto work in some meetings while I m out of town, too, so Iwasn t planning to be back for almost three weeks. Stick nods. Yeah, with the tour coming up, we wereall going to take off. He looks over at Dave and Randy,and all three of them are nodding like bobble head dolls.Scott and I exchange a look before I turn my attentionback to the table. It s no big deal, actually.As long as Ihave security and a driver, we can take care of the rest. We re all in, so it s good, right? asks Ricky.He s stillenjoying his cake, but it s almost all gone.He looks at Zachand Leonard. Security and a driver. He nods at me. Yep, we re good.The rest of you enjoy your time offand when you come back, Tarin will be almost where heneeds to be. Chicken shits, Tarin says in a low tone.Everyone ignores him, but I can tell from theirexpressions he s made them uncomfortable. Now s your chance to give me some insight intoTarin s life.Into his psyche.We ll use the information tohelp put together a gameplan. Tarin glares at everyone, and I laugh. Don t let him intimidate you.He ll eventually realizeyou re doing it to help him, not hurt him. Well, maybe you can have him leave the table, then,because I don t particularly want to get punched in theface, says Dave.Randy nods silently. No, I think it s better that he hear it coming from thepeople he cares about. Fuck that, says Tarin, trying to stand.I grab his arm and squeeze it. Stay.I want you tohear this. He looks down at me, glaring at me.I refuse to beintimidated by it. I insist.Take a seat. Letting out an annoyed sigh, he flops back down intohis chair, slumping back and lowering himself down. Fine.Hit me with your best shot. He looks out over the backlawn like he could care less about what s about to be said. Who will go first? Give me some insight into Tarin asa person. I scan the faces at the table, waiting expectantly.No one says anything.This is normal.It doesn tdissuade me in the least. Okay, I ll start, I say. I ve noticed that Tarin has agreat sense of humor.He likes to tease. I smile at hisfriends. How s that? Did I get him right? Everyone nods, a few of them smiling. Yeah, that s about right, says Randy. He likes to play practical jokeson people, especially the crew. He pauses, some of hissmile slipping. Some of them quit over it, actually. So what you re saying is that sometimes his jokeshave sharp edges to them, is that it? Randy doesn t want to respond, but eventually hishead wins out over his heart. Yeah.Sometimes. A long hiss comes from Tarin, but he s still staring outinto the distance. He doesn t realize it, though, says Randy, trying to dodamage control. He just gets wound up and gets carriedaway sometimes. I look at Stick. What do you think? Do you find Taringetting too wound up sometimes? He sticks his lips out like he s thinking or doubtful.Then he shrugs. Maybe.I mean, he s an intense guy.Iguess & I get the impression he s a little tortured, youknow? Like the jokes are a form of self-therapy. Tarin whips his head around and glares at Stick. What the fuck, man? Stick is angry now too. What? Are you saying it ain ttrue? Because you re a fucking liar if you do.Come on,asshole, don t make this harder than it has to be oneveryone else.We didn t do anything wrong. I shake my head. You let it get this far, though, didn tyou? Stick stands up. Listen, whatever your name is &sorry, I already forgot it & I get what you re trying to dohere, but I m not going to sit here and take the blame for Tarin s shit, okay? The guy s a fuck-up
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