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.You have to takemy word on this one. Addie, please, just tell us where youare. I promise everything is okay.I loveyou guys, please don t worry. Then I hung up before they could sayanything else. I handed the phone to Charlie,unaware my hand was shaking from theshort interaction.Maybe what set me offthe most was knowing how far away I wasfrom it all, how much had changed in sucha short amount of time.Charlie threw the phone into the darkwaves, though it was easily lost by therays of the sun and I never saw where itlanded.I nodded and smiled stiffly.I couldfeel the sun and salt in my skin andsuddenly I felt gross and repugnant, dirtyand unclean.The need to refresh myselfwas almost unbearable. I think I need to get cleaned up. Charlie only nodded and we walkedacross the deck hand in hand, this beingmy only comfort as I thought of myworrisome dad and brother who wereprobably more worried than ever.I onlyhoped my calm demeanor hadn t worriedthem further.After I used the restroom, I washedmy face and hands, then brushed my teeth,using my finger and some toothpaste.Itwas far from ideal, but I did feel better.Ithen pulled my hair up, even taking thetime to use the bobby pin in my pocketbefore looking at myself in the mirror.Thebruises around my neck were all but gone faded yellow markings, that bordered on healed.As per our routine, Charlie wasstanding outside the door, yet he stared atthe floor a third cigarette in his mouthwhen there were two smoked to the buttalready on the floor. The second you step off this ship,you re gonna come to your senses. Hesmiled at the floor, the weight of theepiphany too much to keep his head up. I m real grateful, don t get mewrong. He laughed then, a sprainedsound that choked on itself.I flinched athis sadness and pulled the sweatshirtcloser around my neck; he wasn t evenbeing sarcastic. But the second you realize how crazythis is, you ll get your head back.It salready started, hasn t it? Pretty soon, I lljust be a bad memory.You re gonna livethe rest of your life not even rememberingyou were the greatest thing that everhappened to me. No, Charlie, no. I took the cigarettefrom him and stomped it out with my shoe,though truthfully it was somewhatpointless, considering it was all but goneanyway. I m not leaving you behind. I closed my arms around his waist astightly as I could and stretched until Icould feel my wrists touching on the otherside.I wanted to squeeze all the doubt from him, comfort him as much as hewould let me. I plan on loving you until the day Idie. I felt him flinch at the mention ofpotential death, so I retreated. So there! I stuck my tongue out at him, and made thestrangest facial expression I couldmanage.I was grateful that he smiled alittle for me, though I had to admit, itwasn t much. Will you stay with me for a while? he asked.His voice seemed so small then,nearly inaudible.I smiled against him. You know Iwill. Once inside, I made him take his boots off and lie down.His eyes fluttered shutwithin a matter of seconds.Despite myefforts, I too, felt the heaviness of sleepdrift against my eyelids.Outside the cabin,I could hear men walking around, chattingin different languages while whistles wentoff, signaling who only knew what.In his sleep, Charlie pulled me closer,possessive even in this state.I listened tothe rhythmic heartbeat in his chest,thinking I would only let him sleep for alittle while so he wouldn t be angry, butenough for him to actually rest.I was having a flashback.Wallace.The fear.My impending end. Dying.I was dreaming again, right? This wasjust a nightmare, another awful, terribleexpression of my overworkedimagination?I shouted out, though it was cut shortas he hit me in the face.When the paincame, it was harsh, forcing my visionupside down as my head lulled to the side. Shut up! A sharp pain reached me again at myscalp.I could smell the stench of bodyodor, grease, and fuel.It was everywhereas he yanked me by my hair, dragging meacross the room and out the door.I tried kicking my way out, feeling one of my sandals slip off as I did so.Charlie s cabin edged farther away as Iwas pulled down the hall.I screamed outagain while trying to scratch at the handthat held me.His spare hand hit me again
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